We hide to protect ourselves from pain, but being seen is worth the work.
This newsletter explores why we hide to avoid pain and how Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) can help us break free.
Understanding this behavior can help you live more authentically and confidently.
How can REBT help us stop hiding and embrace being noticed?
By the end, you’ll know how to start overcoming the fear of being seen.
The Hidden Truth About Hiding
Hiding is a common defense mechanism. We associate visibility with danger, fearing judgment, rejection, or failure. This fear is often rooted in past experiences where exposure led to pain. From a young age, we learn that staying under the radar keeps us safe.
But is this protecting us, or is it holding us back?
The Cost of Staying Invisible
Imagine you’re in a meeting. You have a brilliant idea but stay silent. Why? Because speaking up feels risky. What if it’s not good enough? What if people laugh? This is the hidden cost of hiding — lost opportunities, unexpressed talents, and unfulfilled potential.
This fear of being seen can manifest in many areas of life. It stops us from forming deep relationships, advancing in our careers, and expressing our true selves. Over time, the pain of invisibility can be greater than the pain we initially tried to avoid.
Breaking Free: The REBT Approach
Now, you’re probably thinking, “I get it, but how do I change?” Here’s the thing about overcoming the fear of being seen: it’s about changing our beliefs.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), developed by Albert Ellis, focuses on identifying and challenging irrational beliefs. These are the thoughts that keep us hiding.
Let’s talk about why this is important. Our beliefs shape our reality. If we believe being seen is dangerous, we’ll act accordingly. REBT helps us replace these beliefs with rational ones, transforming our behavior.
The REBT Process: Step by Step
- Identify Irrational Beliefs: What are you telling yourself about being seen? Common irrational beliefs include, “If I make a mistake, everyone will judge me,” or “I must be perfect to be accepted.”
- Challenge These Beliefs: Are these thoughts true? What evidence do you have? Often, these beliefs are exaggerated and not based on reality.
- Replace with Rational Beliefs: Create healthier thoughts. For example, “Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s okay,” or “I am worthy of being heard, even if I’m not perfect.”
- Practice New Behaviors: Start small. Share your ideas in low-risk situations and gradually build confidence.
- Reflect and Adjust: Regularly review your progress. Celebrate successes and learn from setbacks.
The Path Forward
Changing deep-seated beliefs takes time and effort, but the rewards are immense. You start to feel more confident, authentic, and fulfilled. You’ll find that being seen isn’t as dangerous as you once thought. It can be incredibly liberating.
Summary
- We often hide to protect ourselves from pain, associating visibility with danger. This behavior, however, can hold us back significantly.
- Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) can help us challenge and change the irrational beliefs that lead us to hide, enabling us to embrace being seen and live more authentically.
Call to Action
- Take the first step towards confronting your fear of being seen. Identify your irrational beliefs and start challenging them using the REBT approach. Share your progress and experiences with others to inspire and support each other in this journey.
Further Learning or Action
- Course or Additional Resource: Consider reading Albert Ellis’s “A Guide to Rational Living” to dive deeper into REBT and its applications.
- Next Steps or Homework: Write down three irrational beliefs you have about being seen and use the REBT method to challenge and replace them with rational beliefs. With new rational empowering beliefs in practice speaking up in low-risk situations this week.
Closing
