Your mind is spinning over and over.
You feel like you can’t make a decision.
You want to do the right thing.
Which choice would be right?
Around and around your mind goes.
You’re stuck in a loop.
It’s frustrating.
It’s stressful.
Something has to change but what?
You need a different perspective.
You need to ask a different question.
You need new input.
It’s okay to ask for help.
It’s okay to ask for advice.
But you feel like you have to make the right decision on your own.
You’re an adult you shouldn’t have to bother someone else.
Yet you’re frustrated & stressed.
To break free you need a new mindset.
To improve, you must adopt a new mindset about seeking help and advice.
Why change your mindset?
Because your current one isn’t empowering.
You know you’re experiencing additional stress and frustration because you have unrealistic expectations.
How do you know it’s an unrealistic expectation?
Look around. Not everyone thinks they have to get it right all by themselves.
You can see that their mindset in this domain is more empowering than yours.
You don’t have to keep using a disempowering mindset.
So let’s examine how to adopt a new mindset.
What is a mindset?
A mindset is your core beliefs and assumptions that trigger expectations, motivations & explanations.
If you have a mindset that you must do everything right and by yourself – you’ll experience more stress and frustration than necessary.
In this case, the mindset triggers an expectation that you have to do everything right and by yourself.
You will be motivated to keep trying to solve it on your own. You’ll be motivated to not ask others for help or advice.
You’ll create explanations for yourself and others around this mindset.
- If I don’t get it right I’m not good enough
- If I can’t do it on my own I’m not enough
- This extra stress and frustration is normal
- I should be able to solve this on my own
This is how a mindset affects your life.
It’s like a software program that gets triggered and runs when needed.
The problem is that a mindset kicks in automatically and doesn’t require you to think about how you’ll respond.
This is a great feature but if the mindset isn’t empowering then it’s time to change it.
Adopting empowering mindsets will improve your journey through life.
How Are Mindsets Created?
There are 4 ways you develop mindsets.
- The environment you’re raised in
- Parents
- Older siblings
- Extended family
- Culture
- Movies/TV
- Music
- Podcasts
- Social Media
- Influential others
- Friends
- Mentors
- Health professionals
- Conscious choice
- Being aware of mindsets
- Being aware of how a mindset impacts your life
- Choosing a new mindset
- Installing the new mindset
Three of the ways mindsets are created are done for you.
Your current mindsets are programmed in during your childhood.
Some mindsets will be empowering and some will be disempowering.
You didn’t get a choice about which mindsets you got as a child but now you do.
The fourth option is to consciously create mindsets.
Once you become aware that you don’t have to keep the mindsets you inherited you’ve taken the first step toward adopting empowering mindsets.
How to Change Your Mindset
After you realize you can change a mindset it’s time to make it happen.
The 2nd step is to consider the effects of the mindset you want to change.
How is this mindset impacting your life?
Play out the story of how that mindset impacts your life now.
- How is it impacting your emotions?
- How does it affect your health?
- What behavior is it motivating?
- Is it disempowering or empowering?
- Is it keeping you stuck?
- Is it helping you move toward what you want?
How has this mindset affected your past?
If you don’t change this mindset how will it impact your future?
Now it’s time to start adopting your new mindset.
Realize that there is no guarantee as to how long it will take to install the new mindset.
Each of us is unique. So how long it takes will vary from person to person and from mindset to mindset.
You might even get to keep working on it for the rest of your life.
To hard?
How hard is it to keep living with your current mindset?
So adopting a new mindset might be hard. Who said hard things were to be avoided?
Most heroes are heroes because they do hard things.
That means they quit thinking about it and do it.
Your Action Plan
Here are some thoughts to help you as you begin shifting from a mindset focused on perfectionism and solitary problem-solving to one that is more empowering and motivates you to ask for help and advice.
1) Acknowledge the Limitations of Going Solo
Recognize trying to do everything alone and perfectly is limiting – well, impossible to be exact.
If you need a refresher consider again how your current mindset has impacted your past, is impacting your present, and will impact your future.
What has this mindset cost you? If you don’t change how much will it cost you?
Understand that seeking help or advice isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s a strategy for growth and efficiency.
Where did you get this idea of perfection and doing it alone?
How did this idea serve that person or those people?
Recognizing how ineffective it was and it will help you stay motivated as you develop the new mindset.
2) Embrace Imperfection
Realize that it’s perfectly normal to make mistakes as you learn and grow.
Understand that perfection is often an unattainable goal and that striving for continuous improvement is more realistic and rewarding.
There is no perfection – simply opportunities to learn and grow.
3) Cultivate a Growth Mindset
Shift your perspective to see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.
Embrace the idea that your abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.
You can learn to ask for help and advice.
You can learn to let go of the illusion of perfection.
You can change your mindset.
4) Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned.
Instead of self-criticism, offer yourself understanding and patience, just as you would to a friend in a similar situation.
It’s going to take time to develop a new mindset.
Imagine, and create a vision of what life will be like when you develop your new mindset.
How will it make your life easier?
How will it make your life better?
5) Seek and Value Feedback
Tell close friends or family that you are developing a new mindset and would like their support.
Tell them how they can support you.
Then ask them for feedback as you progress toward your new mindset.
Be open to feedback. The feedback is how you make adjustments and get closer to your goal.
Feedback will also help you see things from different perspectives. This is an advantage of getting help and advice from others.
They have different life experiences and you get to learn from them.
6) Have a Support Network
You will do better with people who support and encourage you.
Some of the people from your support network can be the people you get feedback from.
This network can include friends, family, mentors, or colleagues. They can offer different viewpoints, advice, and encouragement.
If you don’t have many people you can lean on look for growth-oriented people online that can help you.
You might be able to help them as well.
If you have to do it alone you can. Just be prepared, and know it might be more challenging.
Yes, adopting this new mindset is about learning to ask for help. But we don’t all have the same situation. Adopting this new mindset might make it easier to develop meaningful human connections.
7) Have a Realistic Viewpoint
Instead of aiming for perfection, set achievable and realistic goals.
Yes, you will likely fall back into your old pattern of trying to do it right on your own.
When you catch yourself in the old mindset be excited.
Now you can consciously switch and use the new mindset of asking for help and doing your best.
Realize that even people who look successful work on their minds and mindsets to keep moving forward.
Realize you are in good company.
Start small and get little wins.
Acknowledge the power of just noticing when the old mindset kicked in.
This gives you momentum.
Don’t go into this thinking you’re going to start operating on a new mindset overnight.
That won’t happen. But if you figure out a way to make it happen let me know.
Instead, be aware of your mindsets and make adjustments as you move forward.
8) Reflect and Adjust
Regularly reflect on how it’s going as you adopt this new mindset.
Consider the feedback you’re getting from others in your life.
You might set aside a few minutes each evening to think about how it went that day.
Journaling is a great way to do this.
However, journaling may not be your thing. So find a way to reflect on how it’s going that works for you.
Reflect on what worked. Consider what you could improve.
Use these reflections to adjust your approach and mindset moving forward.
You can adopt a mindset that provides a healthier way of relating to perfection (trying to always do the right thing) and asking for help.
9) Celebrate Progress
Acknowledge and celebrate your progress, not just the outcome. I keep bringing this up because it’s important.
Recognizing small victories along the way can boost your morale and motivation.
Remember, changing a deeply ingrained mindset takes time and patience. Be persistent and gentle with yourself as you work through this process.
It will be normal to find yourself slipping back into an old mindset.
You’re likely to find this happening when your energy is low or when a significant old trigger trips you up.
The benefit is that you will be able to recognize when this is happening and consciously choose to shift back to working from a more empowering mindset.
You’ll continue to reap the rewards of your new mindset each day.
I’ve found it’s worth the effort.
Try it you might like it.
Trevor
